If you’re a hopeful romantic like me, you’ve probably read through Songs of Songs. You’ll notice that Solomon uses various imagery of sweet things to talk about love. Why does he do that? Why does he appeal to our senses, taste, smell, touch, etc., when talking about love?
Well, it simply implies that relationships must have flavour; like the sweetness of the various ice cream or chocolates we enjoy we enjoy.
“You must enjoy your relationship and not endure it.” ~ Rev. Simon Ampofo.
Marriage and in effect every lasting love relationship must have four flavours, ie. the four dimensions or kinds of love.
#1. Erotic Love: It is the love that considers physical attraction and sexual appeal. Amor erótico (in Spanish) is the desire two people have for the union of their bodies, soul and heart.
Like the picture below says, you think about them day and night, you want to be with them. This is only one dimension of love, but these days that’s all people look at to enter marriage and relationships. An error!
It is important to be attracted to your partner but that’s not all it takes to have a lasting loving relationship. Why not? Because it is fleeting in nature and often times not confined to one person. That’s why Amnon after sleeping with Tamar, despises her right after the act and sends her away (2 Samuel 13); it fades away with time.
And since it is fleeting, this should perhaps be the last dimension to search for if you want a long-lasting relationship.
#2. Phileo love – Brotherly love/friendship: This love seems to answer the question: Do I like him/her? This second dimension of love is very important. Is she/he my friend?
Someone I confide in, someone I can be free around(no pretence), someone I love to hear from, spend time with and not get bored or want to ignore? A number of times Solomon uses the phrase “my sister, my bride” in his book. Songs of Songs 5:16b says “This is my lover, this is my FRIEND, daughters of Jerusalem.”
#3. Storge (Familial love): The storge love is one of close affection which says we’ve been together through all. It is liking someone through the fondness of familiarity; It’s the kind of love seen amongst close friends, and usually between family members.
There is concern and care for each other as parents have for their kids, and siblings have for each other. It pays the least attention to those characteristics deemed “valuable” or “worthy” of love. You must develop this flavour of love too.
#4. Agape (The God-kind of love): This is an unconditional love. This dimension of love is when you give ‘self’ up and sacrifice for the other person. It does not hang on a 50:50 ratio, it is a 100% sacrifice. And this is a decision you make and you stay accountable to.
The world defines love as a feeling but God defines it as an act of sacrifice: “For God so loved the world, that He GAVE His ONLY begotten Son…”
Agape is more about what it does than what it feels; more about what it gives than what it gets. It says, “In good or bad times, I love you and I’ll support you.” And this is the most essential dimension, yet it is the least sought after in relationships.
All in all, the best kind of love which will make you enjoy and have sweetness in your relationship is the combination of all four kinds of love: eros, phileo, storge and Agape.
(Just as a combination of various ice cream flavours)
May grace guide you to develop the various dimensions of love and also bring true love your way. And I pray, may you enjoy it, not endure it.
Stay blessed and kindly share with others.
P.S: I’ll like to invite you this weekend to Back to Eden @Gracefields Chapel, Kumasi-Ghana. You’ll have a great time there…
