⏱ 7 min read

“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” – Ephesians 6:1-3

God’s Perfect Plan?

• Every one of us belongs to one or more family groupings from different aspects of our lives, such as biological, school, work, church, etc.
• The family system, when well nurtured, naturally brings about multiplication, fruition, positive impact, and continuity of purpose.
• God, at creation, blessed and commanded the first family to be fruitful and multiply (Gen 1:28).

God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.” - Genesis 1:28

• The family system consists of fathers and children, masters and servant, leader and follower, superior and subordinate, pastor and congregants, authority and under authority etc.
• In Ephesians 6:1-9, Paul describes what is expected of each of us in the family unit:

The “weaker vessels” are expected to obey and honour the “head” with all sincerity of heart while the head is expected to train the vessel in all humility not provoking them into bitterness.

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• In this perfect family scenario, the plan of God from creation is easily fulfilled, and this causes a ripple effect of generations abounding for God.
• The fathers pass down the knowledge of Christ to the children, while children – in obedience to fathers – receive the blessing of a long-life and good success.
• Imagine if every family unit worked right, what a natural and explosive way to populate the Kingdom of God.

The family is a crucial institution for passing down values and virtues, and this is why the devil commits maximum attention into breaking the family to frustrate its purpose.

Wounded Soldiers

Despite this beautiful truth above, the world today is scarred with many wounded soldiers within the family unit. We have children who have zero regard for fathers and fathers who have provoked their children into bitterness.

• The most popular cause of such action is absenteeism.
• Many fathers desert their children at birth or simply do not play their roles as parents in the life of the child.
• This breeds bitterness in the heart of children, and they retaliate with dishonour or total disregard.

In other cases, you will find children who do not respect parents, and have pushed them into a shell of deep resentment or rejection. Other conflict areas include: competition for attention, asset sharing, values and beliefs, etc.

Whenever you try to solve such feuds, there is always the “cause and effect” blame game for the actions of both parties. However, while these painful experiences are acknowledged, you notice in Paul’s writings that everyone has their role to play, and they are not conditional.

• Giving honour and respect to a father is not dependant on their actions or in-actions.
• Likewise, doing your part as a father in nuturing your child is not dependant on their actions or in-actions.
• We must always be in the disposition to fulfill our part of the bargain and not relegate our duties as retaliation.

“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.” – Luke 15:20.

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In the parable of the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32), we see how the father demonstrated love and care for the son despite his mistakes. Remember, Jesus died for us while we were yet sinners. This is where the blessing is – do not short-change yourself out of bitterness; leave the judgment to Him.

"Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many." - Hebrews 12:15
"Never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say,“I will take revenge; I will pay them back,”says the Lord." - Romans 12:19

Wounded Soldiers on a Mission

Yes, you may have been hurt by a father or a child, but Jesus is calling on you today to rise above the pain, endure the cross, and cease the opportunity to win them over to Christ in love. He wants you to do this to keep the sanctity of the family unit.

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 
Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. 

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On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. - Romans 12:17-21

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• Responding evil with good or keeping your part of the deal regardless is a very powerful tool in demonstrating God’s love and forgiveness to the offender. 
• It helps to break the cycle of hatred, violence or pain, and most importantly, leads to reconciliation and brings peace to the situation.

• Forgiveness is a choice, and we must purpose in our heart to walk in the steads of Christ to forgive.
• Forgiving a father or child does not justify the offense but rather releases the hold of bitterness on one’s life and provides a good foundation to win them over to Christ.
• Jesus said, “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” (Matthew 5:44)

"Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”
Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times." - Mathew 18:21-22

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Dear Child..,

• bring back the honour and respect as Christ admonishes you to do. Do not harden your heart.
• Call that father, pastor, leader, or boss today.
• Send them a text, search for them, forgive them, pray for them, and do your part by showing forth Christ’s love and the power of Grace.

Dear Father / Mother…,

• do not desert your child. Bring back the love, do not harden your heart.
• Offer grace and continue to intercede for the salvation of the child.
• And when they have finally turned back, receive them and continue to nurture them in all fairness and humility as Christ expects.

Remember, there is only one enemy, the devil, your adversary. Not your family.
Therefore, put on the full armor of God (Ephesians 6:10-17) and wage a good war as agents of Christ in your respective families. – Deaconess Denise Samuella Oppong.

Hey, you're blessed and highly favoured and dearly loved!
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